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Articles by Kylie Kinne

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About Kylie Kinne
Kylie Kinne is a fourth-year physics major from San Antonio, Texas. When she’s not writing satirical news, she enjoys piña coladas, getting caught in the rain, and making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape.

Cute! This Crafty Mom Taught Us Her DIY Methamphetamine Recipe!

February 27, 2018 Kylie Kinne 0

BOISE — Boise, Idaho native and Mom-Extraordinaire Karen-Michelle Cooper sat down with the girls in our test kitchen to show us her fun, easy recipe for […]

Five Valentine’s Day Gifts That Say “I’ll Never Love You Quite Like I Loved Amy”

February 14, 2018 Kylie Kinne 0

We’ve all been there–you want to get the perfect gift for your girlfriend to tell her exactly how you feel about her, but you’re just […]

BREAKING: Paul Walker Still Dead

November 27, 2017 Kylie Kinne 0

LOS ANGELES — In a shocking turn of events, famed actor of the “Fast and Furious” series Paul Walker is in fact still dead. “I […]

Freshman Wearing Joy Division Shirt Around Campus Already Getting Laid Like Crazy

October 29, 2017 Kylie Kinne 0

WESTWOOD — Incoming first-year Ben Matthews, who has worn his t-shirt of Joy Division’s “Unknown Pleasures” album cover to class an estimated six times already, […]

Posts pagination

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  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research

    WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]

  • Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

    It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava

    WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]

  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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