I Lived It: My Boss Fired Me After Seeing My Public Likes On Instagram Reels
Dear Mr. Hugh G. Fricke, We regret to inform you that your employment as a UCLA New Student Advisor has been terminated effective immediately. Despite […]
Brandy Melville To Require 11P Or Lower Meal Plan For Entry
WESTWOOD — Brandy Melville, the infamous one-size-fits-some retailer, has recently faced controversy surrounding their new policy that only allows students with an 11P or lower […]
Feminist Win! I Bit My Roommate’s Bitch-Ass Boyfriend
Okay. So. My roommate has been seeing this guy for six months, and even she’ll tell you that his only redeeming quality is not being […]
Theater Majors And Hooligans Have “Lame-Off”
WESTWOOD — After increasing conflict between Theater majors and the HOOLIGAN Theater Company, the groups announced they would be having an interpretive battle in the […]
Local Performative Male Discovers Chinese Culture
CENTURY CITY CHAGEE — After months of feeling a “spiritual connection” to Japan, a local performative male has just discovered a groundbreaking revelation: the wonders […]
Infamous Dykstra Urinal Shitter Moves To Hedrick Hall Showers
WESTWOOD — Dykstra Hall residents braced themselves this morning, expecting the usual mound of high grade, Epicuria-produced shit sitting on top of their communal urinals, […]
Report: Grandma Way Nicer After Alzheimer’s
PHILADELPHIA – Local grandchild Emily Youngen was extremely relieved this Thanksgiving as she realized her grandmother’s severe memory loss has made her a much kinder […]
Epstein Island Thanksgiving Seating Chart Only Kids’ Tables
LITTLE SAINT JAMES — The latest low-resolution document dump of the Epstein Files revealed a 2004 Thanksgiving seating chart consisting of only kids’ tables. “Some […]
Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
WESTWOOD — This Friday, the UCLA Backpacking Club announced it will be taking its advanced group on the 15-mile trek from Gardenia to the Public […]
Local Pizza Delivery Boy Shocked At Scantily-Clad Customer’s Lack of Money
RANCHO MURIETA — A local pizza delivery boy faced a shock last night when he delivered to a scantily-clad woman who didn’t have the funds […]