UCPD Enlists California Highway Patrol to Boost Middling Police Violence Rates
WESTWOOD — Following weeks of peace and safety on campus, UCPD has announced a partnership with the California Highway Patrol in an attempt to restore […]
Opinion: To Solve UCLA’s Financial Challenges, We Must Invest More Money Into Israel
Hey guys. Westwood Enabler opinion writer Oiluj Knerf here. I’m a UCLA student just like you! I love my friends, I love my classes, and […]
UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME
WESTWOOD — This past week, UCLA administration has bravely taken to the streets to protest the injustices committed by the “pesky” AFSCME labor union. “It’s […]
Winter Quarter Offers Every Goddamn Class But The Ones You Need For Your Degree
WESTWOOD — UCLA recently announced a bold new plan to offer every single class for Winter 2026– except for the ones you need to graduate […]
Japanese Newborn Named Hernández Kiké
KOBE, JAPAN — In response to the wave of Latino infants being named after Japan’s cultural exports such as Goku and Roki Sasaki, Japanese sports […]
Trump Gives 15-Year-Old Girl Apology Smooch
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following new revelations about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, who he calls “the greatest pedophile of all time,” President Donald J. Trump […]
Democrats Advance Key Policy Goal of Strengthening Republican Party
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Weeks of less-than-firm resolve paid off Wednesday as Democrats forged a shutdown-ending compromise that accomplishes one of the party’s longstanding goals: strengthening […]
Opinion: I Will Not Apologize For My Phony Indie Stache
dear loyal followers, i address you today not by way of reselling my shart-stained 70s denim for $650 on grailed, or the carousel post of […]
Opinion: Rejecting Donald Trump From Art School Was A Bad Idea
Rejecting Donald Trump from art school wasn’t the best idea. Listen, I know that Donald Trump’s art is absolute dogshit. Watching Donald Trump try to […]
Opinion: Halloweekend Was For Hot Girls But Veteransdaynight Is For Us Mediocre Bitches
UCLA is full of beautiful, talented, funny, smart, and well-rounded women. I am not one of them. And that’s okay! I can clean the hell […]