USAC President Resigns; Student Government Set To Hold Yet Another Goddam Election

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A majority of students agree that participating in democracy is a huge pain in the ass.

WESTWOOD—In the wake of Devin Murphy’s resignation today, leaving the position of president vacant a mere 6 months after being elected, USAC looks set to hold yet another goddam election this quarter—something that clearly, nobody fucking wants. “I’m sick of this ‘voting’ bullshit. I’ve voted like five fucking times already,” said first year Theresa Hernandez, who, along with a majority of her peers, basically doesn’t give a flying fuck anymore. “All I want to do is go ice skating or read a goddam book or something. I don’t want to have to think about all this politics shit ever again.” Surveys indicate that should a special election be held before the end of the quarter, nobody would fucking care at all, and it doesn’t matter who wins. 

UPDATE: According to recent developments, former Internal Vice President Avinoam Baral has assumed the position of president, meaning students will no longer have to put up with any of this election bullshit for the foreseeable future (thank fucking god).