WESTWOOD—Straddling dozens of students while shimmying his way through the lecture hall’s middle aisle, third year anthropology major Deven McFarlene gave a series of lap dances while climbing to his seat in class last Monday. “He’s really perfected the technique. His booty just pops while he moves and he is always the perfect distance away from your lap, even when he transitions from you to the next student,” said McFarlene’s classmate, Cassandra Bates. “Most other students just fumble their way awkwardly across everyone while trying to get to the empty seats. Deven really commits,though—he never says ‘sorry,’ he’s not afraid to make eye contact, and his pants are always just so tight. His form is really wonderful at this point.” Sources later confirmed that McFarlene’s other classmates were all quite eager to sit in the aisle seats in the hopes of receiving one of McFarlene’s famous dances.