Roommate Alarmed By Number Of Un-Ironic Halloween Decorations

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Johnson has woken up to a face full of fake cobwebs three times in the past week.
Johnson has woken up to a face full of fake cobwebs three times in the past week.

WESTWOOD—Student Ariel Johnson reported feeling increasingly alarmed this week by the number of un-ironic Halloween decorations that her roommates have put up in their room. “I know lots of people who put up a few cute things to get into the Halloween spirit, but the extent of legitimately frightening decorations they have is something I have never experienced before,” Johnson said, washing her hands after touching a door handle that her roommates had doused in fake blood. “Last night, we listened to the full 10-hour loop of the Spooky Scary Skeletons Remix. I thought it was fun for the first two minutes, but we started listening to it at 2 a.m. and they turned up the volume every hour.” At press time, Johnson’s roommates were reportedly carving her likeness into a jack-o’-lantern as a sacrifice to the Spirit of Halloween.