WESTWOOD—Professor Alondra Ma emailed a copy of the syllabus to her chemistry students instead of presenting it in class so she could note which nerds responded. “It’s always tricky to spot the nerds in a 400 person lecture hall. Front row politics just don’t apply when it’s so hard to find a seat,” Ma said while blocking the email addresses of every student who replied to her. “I did write in the email that each of them should respond so I know they’ve received my correspondence, but the only people who actually do that are absolute kiss-ass dorks, and I don’t want to associate with them.” At press time, Ma was waiting to give a noogie to anyone who came to her weekly office hours.
