by Ashley Jacobson (Independent)
Bruins United is stinky! I mean, look at those guys! They all share the same values and decided to form a cohesive party… it makes me sick. Not to mention that BU is the only major party this year, it’s like, hello? What about a two-party system?
Not only do I disagree with many BU values on a fundamental level, I feel like I have the capacity to make a positive change on this campus. Plus, have you smelled their candidates? Ew! They seriously need some Old Spice or something. I went around and smelled each candidate at the last debate and let me tell you, some of those guys smell like feet. Or fungus. Whichever you personally think smells worse.
If you vote for me, not only do you vote for transparency in USAC spending, you vote for someone who wears Giorgio Armani. That by itself should be enough.
by Brian Alvarez (Bruins United)
All the independents have cooties! I’m serious! BU did an independent survey and found that each individual candidate running independently has a cootie reading that’s off the charts!
I’ve been part of Bruins United since my freshman year because I think BU has the power and organization to make great change on UCLA’s campus. And also because they don’t have cooties! I hate cooties! Did you know all BU members are required to get their cootie shot? Every independent, regardless of their own personal beliefs, has managed to catch cooties! Yuck!
I think cooties are disgusting and should be enough to steer any student away from those running independently and towards BU. Not only are we Bruins United, we’re Bruins Uninfected. As in we don’t have cooties.