Ah, the career fair. Such fun! Such wonder!
Like many other students, I woke up early, got dressed up in a business casual sleeveless top, and went to the Hire UCLA Fair last week. I handed out 16 résumes, made three hours of small talk, and sent no less than 12 follow up emails to companies I was seriously interested in.
But you know what? It’s been almost a week and I’ve gotten no responses. You know what I did get?
A freaking sunburn.
I didn’t even take free swag from the tables! I didn’t want to seem like I was just in it for the swag! I walked around and I was so polite and it was so hot and I even used sunscreen. But does nature care about that? No. Does UCLA care about that? No. Do the employers care? Guess what! No.
Now I have a sunburn on my back, neck, and shoulders and look like a fucking lobster hybrid. All because I wanted a job.
Listen here, UCLA, if you’re going to make us walk around in the sun for six hours just to get rejected, you should at least offer free sunscreen and water instead of Laffy Taffy and Lifesavers. I don’t care how delicious they are. All I care about is how my time in the sun leaves me inching closer to death.
So here’s my advice to my fellow students: Don’t go to the Hire UCLA Fair. And if you do go, bring sunscreen and a business casual hat. Because unlike the companies, the sun isn’t fucking around. It’s actively recruiting you for death.