MOUNT WESTWOOD—Alas, my friends, that day the quest was dark,
For on such a mission I embark,
I had seen Scylla and Charybdis, on the seas I grew older
But nothing compared to the labyrinth of MathSci-Boelter.
For when I saw myself in the hall,
I smelled the scent of the God of Adderall,
Nay, lord, I held my breath,
But the smell had made me of direction bereft.
Just then a phalanx of men appeared,
And their demonic faces leered,
And alack! these creatures were no men, it be,
They were of the major called EE.
As did Orpheus, I ran from this unearthly crowd,
Screaming “I have a CS project due!” aloud,
More and more I began to fear,
For it seemed as if no life was near.
My room, it seemed, eluded my sight,
As in my confusion I began to fright,
But just as I regained my ability to think,
Then I saw the TA known as sphinx.
Answer me this riddle, it cried out, quite savage,
“What’s the meaning of this passage?”
“Trick question!” I exclaimed, fog in my glasses,
“Here there lie no GE classes.”
The sphinx had no choice but to let me pass,
As Zeus had granted me glory at last.
But as I thought I saw my club in the clear,
Then I began with my heart to fear.
I clutched my chest, and with a great thud I fell,
As before me stood the minotaur, as an Ochem display out of Asphodel.
Lost, I was, in the face of the of the monster of chemistry,
Far from my native Bunche and my major of history.
The creature reared it horns,
And I waited for its scorn.
But as hope had failed, it ran away, pitter patter
For there it was I saw the lord of satyrs.
“Pan!” I cried, I have found my way,
Like Perseus you have saved the day,
Pan said, “No Pan am I, as it is evident,
That I am just your club’s vice president.”
Beware, journeyman, far and wide,
For in MathSci-Boelter does reside,
The minotaur, man and bull; By Zeus! You’ll need protection
In the endless maze with no direction.