WESTWOOD — Sigma Alpha Alpha president Ashleigh Watkyns made history Monday when she handed a Fall Rush recruitment flyer to a girl with a BMI of 23.6. “We’ve decided that our pledges don’t have to fit into Brandy Melville anymore, only Abercrombie,” said Watkyns, weighing out the croutons in her daily salad. “I’m excited to be taking this step in support of plus-sized girls everywhere, and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for our generation.” All girls of means in desperate need of friends are encouraged to rush Sigma Alpha Alpha this week (no pixie cuts, must not be overweight).
About Gillian Smith 50 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.