MENLO PARK — Recent reports assert that the Devil, known under a plethora of different names including Mephistopheles, Beelzebub, Lucifer, Satan, Taco Bell, etc… is happy with his investment in the soul of Facebook creator, Mark Zuckerberg. “I was promised chaos and death,” our Metaphysical Consultant Darlene translated from the Devil’s form of Facebook Messenger, a cursed scroll bubbling up from the pits of hell, “and he hath delivered.” Devil pacts have historically been double edged transactions, resulting in unforeseen misfortune. “The decay of society rests in small, imperceptible changes. Let my demonic plagues rain from the heavens of technology, children. Bathe in them,” the scroll ended before bursting into flames. Zuckerberg was later spotted practicing his smile while sipping milk from two plastic straws.