BREAKING: We Have The Meats


FLAVORTOWN, USA—Sources, those sources being your mother #$&%@$@ tastebuds, man, report that fast food chain and purveyor of carnivorous atrocities Arby’s does, in fact, have the meats. “This is not an ad, bro, I just wanna tell you that you’ll be using some pepsins because we have DA M-M-M-M-MEAAAATTTTSS,” said Us, the all-powerful and multifaceted yet enigmatic Arby’s. “Roast beef, corned beef, We got ‘em, brats, liverwurst, We got ‘em, pastrami, knockwurst, We got ‘em, steak, tri tip, bacon, and black forest ham, you know We got them,” proclaimed Arby’s the Great and Powerful. “We also got turkey, oven roasted chicken, smoked chicken, peppered chicken, lemon chicken, chicken pot pie, bacon wrapped chicken, chicken wrapped bacon, chicken, just in general, and oh yeah, lamb! LAMB! That’s a sheep mother #$&%@$!” At press time, We just want to let you know that the meats do reside in our empty restaurants whenever you stop being a vegan pansy and want to bow down to your carnivore master in the House of Arby.