BREAKING: Male RA Straight

By , in Campus News on .

WESTWOOD—Sources indicate that male RA Michael Uchida has demolished societal norms by not being gay. “This is a landmark moment for all male RAs which will change the course of history,” said student John Stratton, who shockingly saw Uchida kissing a girl outside of his room. “He’s kind of like the Jackie Robinson of male RAs,” quipped Stratton, adding that “Michael is very brave for coming out at this pivotal time. Love wins!” At press time, Stratton realized this milestone was short-lived, as it turns out Uchida is actually bisexual.