11 Reasons Why Last Quarter’s GPA Was Not Your Fault

April 17, 2017 Enabler Staff Uncategorized 0

He is kind of a douchebag.

Hey Bruins! Still mourning last quarter’s GPA? No worries, we here at WE have 11 reasons why your GPA is totally not your fault:

  1. Free will is illusory and truly we are but puppets whose strings are pulled by a cold, indifferent universe sans meaning and permanence. Don’t beat yourself up too much!

  2. The new Kendrick album wasn’t out yet.

  3. Because if you study all the time, are you really ‘studying’ at all?

  4. Didn’t get inflatable hammocks until spring quarter.

  5. It’s only your fault if you did it, and you’re not you when you’re hungry. Eat a Snickers.

  6. Martin Shkreli livestreamed during finals week.

  7. You took a south campus class.

  8. The kid who took your final for you went out the night before.

  9. You were up all night suppressing the urge to do the eight-clap.

  10. God hates you.

  11. Well… Zuckerberg is a college dropout, right?

So don’t beat yourself up too much and hey, remember, it’s probably not your fault!