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butch

Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

May 21, 2025 Jessica Meeker 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

  • Opinion: Rejecting Donald Trump From Art School Was A Bad Idea

    Rejecting Donald Trump from art school wasn’t the best idea. Listen, I know that Donald Trump’s art is absolute dogshit. Watching Donald Trump try to […]

  • Opinion: Halloweekend Was For Hot Girls But Veteransdaynight Is For Us Mediocre Bitches

    UCLA is full of beautiful, talented, funny, smart, and well-rounded women. I am not one of them. And that’s okay! I can clean the hell […]

  • Upstairs Neighbor Bad At Sex

    WESTWOOD — Early Tuesday morning, third-year biology major Cee Bat was awoken by a loud noise emanating from above her, and was forced into a […]

  • Rocco’s First Bar to Admit 10-Year-Old: “His ID Scanned” Claims Bouncer

    WESTWOOD — Craving an apple juice on the rocks, ten-year-old James Kidd used his mom’s ID to gain entry to local bar Rocco’s Tavern last […]

  • Hedrick Hall Residents Commanded To Find Two Of Every Animal

    WESTWOOD — Following flooding at Hedrick Hall this morning, residents have been commanded to find two of every animal through a divine email mandate from […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
  • Opinion: To Solve UCLA’s Financial Challenges, We Must Invest More Money Into Israel
  • Upstairs Neighbor Bad At Sex
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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