UCLA Frat Says No One Wore Blackface, Only ‘Rachel Dolezal’ Face
WESTWOOD — A fraternity says that no one wore blackface to the recent “Rachel Dolezal”-themed party that sparked protests on campus last week. The fraternity […]
Campus
Student Has Perfect Thing To Add To Lecture
WESTWOOD — Much to the admiration of those around her, second year Jessica Grant confirmed Monday that she had like the perfect thing to add to […]
Report: Students Spending More Money On Textbooks Than Useful Shit
WASHINGTON, DC — A study released by the United States Department of Commerce Thursday found that college students are spending an increasing amount of money […]
Douchebag Met At Frat Party
WESTWOOD—Christie Temple, first year student at UCLA, expressed vocal surprise regarding an encounter she had with a douchebag at a fraternity party last Thursday. “He […]
On-Campus Residents Demand More Spaces For Sitting Alone, Sobbing Quietly
WESTWOOD—In a new petition that has been gaining traction this week, Hill residents are looking to increase the number of spaces currently allocated for sitting alone […]
Candlelight Vigil Held To Commemerate Lack Of Poon
WESTWOOD – Students at UCLA prepare to weep in solidarity at the overwhelming lack of poon. This weekend a vigil will be held on campus […]
Toy Missing: Last Spotted in Westwood Area
LAB SCHOOL SANDBOX – Mrs. Frisby’s first grade class went wild Monday after Thomas the Tank Engine did not return from his lunchtime adventure. “It’s […]
Newly Committed Class Contains 19,000 Students With Bullshit Club Cabinet Positions
WESTWOOD—Proudly stating that the new UCLA freshman class will be full of young, ambitious students, the admissions office has announced that 4,000 of the 5,000 […]
Engineering Major Just In It For The Lack Of Female Contact
WESTWOOD — Observing that women are “never worth it anyways” and that getting an education is “much more rewarding than a relationship could ever be”, […]
Campus To Feature Three New Construction Sites By 2016
WESTWOOD – In accordance with newly-ordained construction regulations, UCLA administration announced plans to add an additional three new construction sites to campus this week, slated […]