WESTWOOD — Observing that women are “never worth it anyways” and that getting an education is “much more rewarding than a relationship could ever be”, second year Chemical Engineering student Glen Parker revealed today that the only thing keeping him in the Engineering department is the lack of even the slightest chance of female contact. “I really don’t see the point to it all, all that romance nonsense,” said Parker, preparing to email his professor an assignment a day early. “What else could I possibly want? I have it all right here. Engineering has given me so much more than a girlfriend ever could.” Parker then went on to say that even if a female student did show up to one of his classes one day and struck up a conversation with him, chances are she’d totally flake out on their study group.
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