Student Picks Up Daily Bruin To Seem Informed
WESTWOOD—Crowds gathered in what was later described as “reverent awe” when Lisa Myers, first-year biology student, picked up a copy of the Daily Bruin as if […]
Articles by Tucker Moses-Hanson
Social Disaster Barely Scraped Together By Quality Salsa
WESTWOOD—In what onlookers described as a “harrowingly dull” floor event, near catastrophe struck the third floor of Gardenia Hall Thursday night when host Shawn Molina avoided […]
Paris Officially Creeped Out You Haven’t Changed Your Profile Picture Yet
FACEBOOK—Noting that its presence as a social event had long since run its course, Paris reported last night that your profile picture, still emblazoned with […]
Arab-Israeli Conflict Resolved In YouTube Comment Section
PALESTINE ISRAEL MIDDLE EAST—Commenting on a Youtube video entitled “Best Potato Kugel Recipe,” vocal members of the internet came together last Tuesday to definitively resolve […]
Angered Deity Smites Man Drinking From Red Starbucks Cup
WESTWOOD — Michael Burke, native resident and longtime frequenter of Starbucks Coffee, was punished with divine fury this past Monday outside a local chain after […]
Powell To Be Converted Into Temple For John Wooden
WESTWOOD —The UCLA Department of Administration held a joint ad-hoc meeting last Tuesday with the Center for the Study of Religion (CSR) to discuss plans […]