Op-Ed: No One Suffered Like My Ethnic Group
My ethnic group came to this country from a poorer one than yours. I don’t care where you came from; my ancestral country was poorer. […]
Articles by Offended Man
Local Nihilist Watches “Rick and Morty”
LOS ANGELES — Citing its sophisticated and nuanced references to Narodnaya literature, local nihilist Evan Sharp is a regular viewer of the Adult Swim cartoon […]
All Our Good Guys With Guns Pretty Busy Last Night, NRA Says
LAS VEGAS, NV — After the deadliest mass shooting in American history occurred during a concert in Las Vegas, the NRA has reported that all […]
Op-Ed: Leaking Classified Information Is Only A Big Deal If It’s Emails
What’s all this outcry about me leaking classified info to the Russians? Believe me, I know a lot of people and none of them are […]
Kid With Big Dreams Moves To The Big City
BIG CITY, BIG STATE—Citing his desire to make something great out of himself, Stan Levinson, a nobody from an aw, shucks folksy ‘burb in the […]
Study: Your Dad Was Right
BERKELEY, CA—Scientists at UC Berkeley have just confirmed that, despite what you may have thought and still think, your dad was right. You can argue […]
USAC Passes Something, No One Cares
WESTWOOD—In an entirely unnoticed general meeting, USAC passed something. “This resolution is really going to help out the UCLA community,” said a general representative whose […]
Mother Of All Bombs Leaves Behind Husband And Six Thousand Child Bombs
ARLINGTON, VA – In the wake of her massive detonation and international fame, the mother of all bombs leaves behind the father of all bombs, […]
Area Cat Contemplates Sisyphean Nature Of Licking Itself Clean
WESTWOOD—Local cat Fluffy Winship Lion the Fourth was in the process of his regularly scheduled licking session when his tongue stopped and the existential dread […]
Study: Legalized Dueling Would Cause Significant Reduction Of Stupid Population
CHICAGO, IL—Scientists at the University of Chicago have concluded a two-year long study that proves legalized dueling would be a highly effective method of reducing […]