TikTok User Doesn’t Actually Like TikTok

LOS ANGELES — Following the rise in popularity of TikTok among social media users across the world, local man Matt Mackers shrugged and told reporters that, although it may look like it, he doesn’t actually like watching TikToks. “I only practice the dances because it’s good exercise, and I only smile while doing them because I’m a happy guy,” said clinically depressed Mackers, insisting that his “TikTok Bangers” playlist on Spotify is just because his musical taste happens to match the types of songs used on the platform. “I mean it’s not like I have an account or anything. Fine, I have an account, but it’s not like I post any videos. Okay fine, I post videos, but I just wanted to do one of those ‘I’m a savage’ dances to see if I could ‘throw it back’ like those influencers do, and I only did that like maybe six times.” At press time, Matt was seen telling his friends he is “actually more of a Vine person.”

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Arman Abrishamchian is the human equivalent of "if the sun is so hot, why is space cold?" That was rhetorical, nerd. I prefer ignorance.