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Respectful Fourth-Year Only Dates First-Years 18 Or Older

November 10, 2020 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — According to a source close to him, fourth-year biology major Josh Winfrey has chosen to respect the women at UCLA and only date […]

Area Man Enters Hour Three of Describing Music Taste

November 2, 2020 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year film student Doug Babcock has been filibustering a real conversation for three hours now, after an acquaintance made the mistake of asking […]

Senate Democrats Plan To Prevent Barrett Confirmation By Sternly Frowning

October 21, 2020 Dylan Wood 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference Wednesday, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer unveiled the Democrats’ strategy to prevent Judge Amy Coney Barrett’s confirmation by […]

FDA Increases Serving Size Of Jäger For Non-Pussies

April 23, 2014 Luke Moran 0

WASHINGTON DC—In a press conference earlier today, a spokesperson for the Food and Drug Administration announced the department’s decision to increase the recommended serving size […]

New Study: You’re Probably Not Getting Laid Tonight

January 30, 2014 Crucius Finch 0

WESTWOOD – Leading researchers and also every one of your close friends confirmed yesterday that you’re probably not gonna get laid tonight. “That shirt makes […]

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