MINNEAPOLIS—A recent study conducted by the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities shows that hating Justin Bieber is vital to looking cool to the other twelve-year-olds. “What’s really fascinating about this study is that when any child admitted to liking J. Biebs, he or she was immediately thrown out of the popular group and into the group of awkward kids who use binders with zippers,” said Dr. Michael Rothschild, who headed the study. “And when I said I thought his new album was quite ‘fire,’ I was quickly informed by Timmy and Alex that I am, in fact, gay.” While it is thought that hating One Direction has a similar effect, Dr. Rothschild’s team has yet to find any concrete evidence.
