Student Health Organization Releases The Names Of People Using Your Shampoo

 

WESTWOOD — After protracting their expected weeklong investigation to over three months, Monday morning the UCLA Student Health Organization announced the names of people using your shampoo. “It wasn’t long before we realized that the people on your floor weren’t the only ones doing it; they were accompanied by 86% of the UCLA student body, totaling an astounding 29,689 unique users of your shampoo,” said Chen Blots, leader of the study, who later said that this explains your initial comment, that you had been running out of shampoo faster than usual. “Prominent names include: Judy Olian, Dean of Anderson School of Management; Gene Block, UCLA Chancellor, of whose extensive collection of exotic wigs 13 of 27 tested positive; Thamer al-Sabahn, a visiting Saudi Arabian minister, and his pet schnauzer, Bushmaster; and James Franco. Additionally, students and faculty from the engineering departments were underrepresented, with a majority having no traces of shampoo at all.” In his concluding comments, Blots admitted that by the end of the investigation all members of research team were featured on the list as well.

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About Nathan Grovhoug 23 Articles
Nathan is an exquisite writer and talented author. His writing is good too. He raised horses on the Iberian peninsula for 14 years, until a fallen nun named Rosina stole his herd, and his heart. They tried to reconcile during a chance meeting in Rotterdam 7 years later, but their love had been cast away, just like waking memories of a bitter autumn.