Point: North Campus Majors Don’t Understand Suffering
By: Alexander Levinson
I have had enough. I am so sick and tired of these lazy, entitled north campus majors who think they have their lives all figured out when they just don’t understand pain. Day after day, my south campus friends and I slave away at our studies, miserably trying to finish our homework, attend office hours, and study for our never-ending streams of midterms. Do you humani-tards think I do this because I’m passionate about science? Of course not! I suffer because I want to succeed, and that is something you will just never understand.
You walk around your well-decorated lecture halls like you own the place. Well guess what: you’ll never own a building that big. You don’t know what it’s like to hurt. You don’t know what it’s like to study three days straight for a test and still score below average. You don’t know what it’s like to try and try and still fail and have so few successes that you inevitably question your decision to study engineering and end up staying up late doing your homework just to take your mind off of the overwhelming feeling that it’s all for nothing. You just don’t understand that hard work means misery.
That’s really all there is to it. I don’t want to hear you guys complain about the paper you have due next week, or how your weekly seminar never lets you out early, or the fact that your grandma just doesn’t understand that gender is a spectrum. The fact of the matter is, my life is worse than yours, and you just don’t get what it’s like to suffer.
By: Geoffrey Bernard
I am a man of great privilege. I am aware of this, and I will never claim that I understand what it’s like to suffer.
My study of the humanities, however, is not a privilege but a choice. It was a choice that I made largely because it doesn’t suck. No, I don’t have to study nonstop for tests that I will inevitably fail. No, I don’t have to go to office hours after every midterm and beg for a better grade. That’s kind of the point.
Being a south campus major sounds like it really sucks, but that’s your problem, man. I’m happy as a clam up here in the land of no calculators. I get to study what I like, learn to write and communicate, and then graduate with a great GPA and a degree from one of the best public schools in the nation.
Have fun turning down another night out so you can spend tonight alone in the library. I just got invited to a party at my TA’s apartment. That’s not even an uncommon occurrence for me. I’m gonna go even though it’s a Tuesday because I don’t have class on Wednesdays or Thursdays.
Just think about that for a while. Then remember you did this to yourself, fucko.