Op-Ed: It’s Only Okay to Use Science to Alter God’s Plan If It Involves a Pill That Gives Me an Erection

By , in Community Opinion on .

God has made a plan for all of us. We should not attempt to alter that plan with so-called science, unless, of course, that science is being used to give me an erection. Other than that, science is a blasphemous magick used by liberals to fearmonger us into cutting down carbon emissions and preventing the earth from warming to a temperature that creates an inhospitable environment for all life.

But for the love of God, do not try to push your clean energy onto me. No amount of hard data, peer-reviewed scientific studies, or the complete acknowledgement of the international community will convince me that our climate is changing. And if somehow the climate is changing, that was His plan for us.

Other than creating pills that enable me to have sex, the liberal dark wizardry known as “science” has also resulted in safe abortions for mothers. We all know that liberals love abortions and aborting a fetus is possibly the most joyous act a liberal can partake in. Not only do abortions alter God’s plan, but they have absolutely nothing to do with giving me an erection. If my erection results in an unwanted pregnancy, not my problem! Just because you are not financially or emotionally ready to have a child is no excuse for playing God. If having that child endangers your own life, then it was God’s will to have another little orphan enter America’s reputable foster care system.

The only valid and sufficient cause I can think of for altering The Almighty’s path for us is if I’m struggling to achieve an erection after hours of foreplay. Then there is sufficient cause to alter His plan with science.

Ultimately, what these sheeple don’t realize is that science is a dark force being used to manipulate God’s will. God’s plan is to let us exploit this planet until it can physically no longer sustain the human race. And if you want to abort your child, just take solace in God’s plan for you to raise a child when you are in no financial or emotional position to have a dependent.

God has us all in His hands: we needn’t worry about the climate or individuals who turn into absent, abusive, or neglectful parents because someone else’s religion forces them to carry a child to term. Someday, I’m sure He will answer my prayers about my extremely inhibiting erectile dysfunction.

Please let me know when you apply your knowledge to something useful, like penis enlargement pills that actually work.