I grew up in a lighthouse on the coast, my father a foghorn and my mother a seagull. I was nineteen by the time I found out my name was something beyond a long exaggerated groan. My upbringing has made me a tried and true single-issue voter, and that issue is volume. For that reason and that reason only, I will only vote for Bernie Sanders if he starts to take things seriously and kick it up a couple of decibels.
While all the other candidates’ platforms are nothing more than a whisper to me, I understand that Senator Sanders has some interesting things to say about healthcare. I would love to hear about it someday, as my family has gone bankrupt from repeated E. R. visits for as of yet undiagnosed cases of bleeding eardrums.
At his next rally in California, I challenge Senator Sanders to speak so loudly buildings shake to the point that audiences believe he has triggered The Big One. If any Sanders supporters are reading this right now, I urge them to share my GoFundMe fundraiser to get the campaign an amp under the hashtag #HearTheBern.