Mom Watches Every “The Rock” Film for the Plot

Graphic by Sara Pearson

WESTWOOD Carla Batoots, proud mother of five, has recently caught the attention of film critics nationwide for her staunch defense of every movie starring actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. “There’s so much to learn from his movies. Because of him, I know lots about board games, lifeguards, wrestling, and the power of family,” admitted Batoots, as she fervently added The Rock’s upcoming “Jungle Cruise” release to her 2020 Google Calendar. “Rotten Tomatoes is a sham, what’s not to love about the movies? The gripping action, the sharp zingers, the rippling biceps…God bless you, my Rock,” Batoots whispered before kissing a headshot of The Rock, lit by an array of votive candles. Batoots declined further questioning, as she was preoccupied with her google search of the following keywords: “the rock, wife.”

About Sam Mallari 7 Articles
The Asian writer LA deserves, but not the one it needs right now. Experienced cartographer. Can make a mean baguette. Voted “Most Likely to be Unemployed” by everyone in the family.