Man Loses Collaborative Playlist in Divorce Settlement

PORTLAND, OR — A Portland couple has divorced after ten years of marriage, with Ms. Slater gaining custody of the marriage’s collaborative Spotify playlist. “Look, I’m okay with her taking the house and the car and the kids, but stealing my vibiest playlist is where I draw the line,” said Mr. Slater, the new divorcé and original owner of the playlist “STRAIGHT BANGERZ N MASH.” “It didn’t even come up in the depositions, but she was actually in collaborative playlists with a bunch of other men. Honestly, good riddance. At least I don’t have to deal with all that trouble in my life anymore. I’m doing great now.” At press time, Mr. Slater had recreated most of the playlist under a new name: “Angie, Please Take Me Back, I’m So Sorry for Everything/Adele.”

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Arman Abrishamchian is the human equivalent of "if the sun is so hot, why is space cold?" That was rhetorical, nerd. I prefer ignorance.