Man Begins Running Solely To Carbo Load

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Miller’s diet now includes fried rice sandwiches.

SACRAMENTO–Clarifying that he is not actually interested in getting fit, new runner Joshua Miller announced on social media that he is only interested in running so he has a reason to carbo load. “Sure, it might be nice to get up a flight of stairs without panting so heavily, but I’m mostly interested so I’ll have a reason to power down a few servings of fettuccine alfredo two or three nights a week,” said Miller as he grabbed several loaves of French bread and threw them in his shopping cart. “I already eat a good amount of carbs, but I figure if I start running every morning, I’ll have to really push myself to consume even more. It’s the challenge that really excites me, you know?” At press time, Miller was seen devising a training schedule to help him accomplish his goal of eating a large cheese pizza in one sitting.