Fuck! Cambridge Analytica Knows I Don’t Have A Life

By , in News Opinion on .

WESTWOOD—Fuck!

I just heard on Facebook that Cambridge Analytica has all my information now! What will I do?

Oh shit.

Do they know that I have no life?

I’ve got to delete all my posts. The one last night about the Joni Mitchell concert I went to thirty years and 124 days ago for my throwback Thursday. Haha good times. Oh fuck, gotta delete that. My post about how happy I was to FINALLY watch the third season of The Office on Netflix. That too, shit. And my rant about the lack of wine at Trader Joe’s this weekend? Fuckety fuck.

HOLY CRAP.

That Occupy Democrats post about Donald Trump’s hair with the pun in it??!! God I’ve got to delete that. He is such a hair-rible president though. Hahahaha I’m as funny as the ladies on Dance Moms.

All I can say is I don’t want those funky computer guys or whatever to get their hands on my shit. No one should know I designated my best friend Jeanine as my sister on Facebook but not my other best friend Clarice. Shit shit shit fuck. No one can see the two hundred photo album of baby pictures of my children.

No one can know that I don’t have a life.

I know what I can do!! I’m changing my relationship to “It’s Complicated”. Then they’ll think I actually do shit. Then again I do mention my husband Vincent in Onion comments almost every week.

Fuck. Time to get a Twitter.