BFIT — Second-year physiological science major Cardy O’Lover spoke to the Enabler last week after her 6 a.m. 10-mile sprint on the eco-friendly treadmill, and revealed that she did indeed judge you on your first day of Active Girl April.
According to O’Lover, it all started with your failed attempt to pull off casual gym-goer swag, when it took you at least a minute to correctly angle and scan your BruinCard at the entrance. “When you told me you were nervous to start going to the gym, I smiled at you and promised that it was a welcoming environment. I can’t believe you bought that line! What I meant was, ‘You should be nervous, you loser noobie,’” O’Lover said while getting into a squat position to further tone her thighs and glutes. “Like, did you really think I wouldn’t notice you in your tattered high school T-shirt, profusely sweating as you slapped at random buttons to lower the speed of your machine?”
Unfortunately for you, O’Lover isn’t the only one who noticed that something was a little off during your semi-annual fitness day. Fifth-year communications major Jim Bro also spoke to the Enabler between reps on the bench press. “I was passing by the treadmills to get some water when I saw you breathing harder than everyone else even though you were only at speed 5.3,” Bro said while mimicking your super weird arm motions. “And as if that isn’t bad enough, I also noticed you watching “Too Hot to Handle” on the monitor. Like, eww, who does that at the gym? This is, like, a sacred space.”
After some internet digging, the Enabler also located a Twitter post from user @makin-mega-gains, who claims you got off the elliptical only 15 minutes into your 45-minute, moderate intensity workout. The account also noticed your weird hand placement while leaving the gym and alleges that you were trying to cover up a crotch sweat stain. Admit it — you were.