WESTWOOD — Following weeks of peace and safety on campus, UCPD has announced a partnership with the California Highway Patrol in an attempt to restore traditionally high rates of police violence. “It’s important that every student, staff, and faculty member is constantly hyperaware of our presence, and feels assured that any routine interaction will start as a full-contact, life-threatening overreaction and immediately escalate from there,” explained Assistant Vice Chancellor for Campus and Community Danger Steve Lurie, while marking out the Free Speech Zone inside of a UCPD lockup cell. “We feel confident that our partnership with CHP, a leader in excessive force and re-escalation, will accomplish this– and maybe they can hit students with their cars or something cool like that too.” At press time, UCPD stated it would be happy to address any concerns in person at the parking lot behind the Broad Art Center after class.