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sucks to suck

Report: Oh, You Fucked It Up. You Fucked It All Up

February 3, 2023 Sam Haines 0

HOLLYWOOD— According to multiple sources, you reeeaaally did it this time. “Take a cold, hard look at yourself,” said one source familiar with the situation, […]

  • Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit

    WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]

  • Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died

    WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]

  • John Wooden Center Replaces Treadmills With Giant Hamster Wheels

    WESTWOOD — After months of construction, the John Wooden Center has unveiled its new cardio area, which features giant hamster wheels in place of the […]

  • Jerry Neuheisel Admits to Using Etsy Witch After Win Against Penn State

    WESTWOOD — In a press conference following UCLA Football’s upset victory against now-unranked Penn State, UCLA interim offensive coordinator Jerry Neuheisel revealed that he had […]

  • New Business Club Interview Process Includes Fitting Camel Through Eye of Needle

    WESTWOOD – After a thorough LinkedIn assessment, seven coffee chats, and a “sell me this Bible” challenge, Bruin Business Corporation Consulting Organization LLC now asks […]

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