Area Man Convinced He Was ‘Spotted On Bruin Walk’
WESTWOOD — Scrolling desperately through the latest submissions on popular missed connection site Spotted on Bruin Walk Sunday, 3rd year UCLA Computer Science major and […]
Campus
Gene Block Unveils “Diversitron”, Announces Plans To Transform Students Into Minorities
WESTWOOD—In light of UCLA faculty’s recent vote in favor of a diversity course requirement, Chancellor Gene Block has unveiled his latest invention: a 60-foot tall […]
Student Fails Midterm Election
WESTWOOD—Noting a severe lack of knowledge in local politics as well as a preoccupation with school work, second year Hannah Park admitted to having completely […]
International Student Shocked To Learn Texas Is Not The Wild West
WESTWOOD, CA—After a recent trip to Texas, Abdul Nasreen, an international student from the Middle East, declared his shock when it was revealed to him […]
Local Asshole Plans “Edgy” Halloween Costume
LOS ANGELES—Drawing on a combination of recent tragedies and sensitive topics, area man Eric Silva announced Sunday that his Halloween costume will serve as the […]
Addition Of New “History of Blowjobs” Class Causes Widespread Controversy
WESTWOOD—Amidst a steadily increasing tide of budget cuts, many students and faculty members have been left wondering what the future of their departments will be. Over […]
Bruin Café Introduces 3 a.m. “Hate Yourself” Meal Period
WESTWOOD—In an effort to better accommodate the eating habits of the typical college student, Bruin Café has added a new “Hate Yourself” dining period to […]
Students Disappointed At Enormous Activities Fair’s Lack Of Enormous Activities
WESTWOOD—“I’ve never felt so bitterly disappointed in my life,” said freshman Emily Offshore. Like many others, Offshore visited UCLA’s Enormous Activities Fair (EAF) to view the […]
Campus Wet
WESTWOOD—Flooded with what has been described as “a whole bunch of water”, parts of campus were closed yesterday because they got all wet and they […]
‘Gaping Death Pit’ Swallows Dozens Of Graduating Seniors
WESTWOOD—Following reports of several missing graduates, a search and rescue operation carried out by the Los Angeles Fire Department this morning revealed a total of […]