De Neve At Hedrick To Be Moved To Covel, Renamed De Neve At Hedrick At Covel
WESTWOOD—After less than a week of operation, officials at UCLA dining have deemed Hedrick dining hall “insufficient” to support the demands of its recently-adopted De […]
Articles by Luke Moran
FDA Increases Serving Size Of Jäger For Non-Pussies
WASHINGTON DC—In a press conference earlier today, a spokesperson for the Food and Drug Administration announced the department’s decision to increase the recommended serving size […]
Why Yes, My Daughter Would Love To Join Your Spanish Folk Dance Society
Honey. Hey honey? Chrissie-buns? Come over to this table please, I want you to meet someone. Just put your phone down for one second… Oh […]
Goth Club To Host Gothic Holi
WESTWOOD—After reportedly “feeling left out” during the festivities that took place at the Sunset Rec center this past weekend, members of UCLA’s goth club have […]
Картина фламандского крестьян, что не имеет контекст
Вествуд—Посмотрите на эту картину, она не имеет контекст. Почему мы это делаем? В чем причина? Посмотрите на это Barack Hussein Obama. Только посмотрите на него. […]
Student In Powell Library “Totally Happy” To Watch Stranger’s Stuff
WESTWOOD—Third year biology major Margaret Small confirmed that she is totally happy, in fact “practically leaping out of her seat” at the prospect of having […]
God Sends Only Son To Defuse Situation On Bruinwalk
WESTWOOD—After being alerted to an alarming spell of hate speech taking place outside of Kerckhoff hall today, Our Lord God, Divine Creator of the Universe […]
I Have A Plan To Bring Girl Scout Cookies To UCLA On A Permanent Basis
Now let’s be clear about a few things first. First of all, what I’m advocating does not necessarily qualify as kidnapping per se. Can some […]
UCLA To Begin Accepting Students From Delaware
WESTWOOD—In a statement released by the Office of Admissions, UCLA has announced today that it will, for the first time in the school’s nearly century-long […]