Students Huddled In Night Powell Celebrate 3rd Consecutive Night Of Extended Laptop Battery Life
WESTWOOD—Rejoicing in what surely must have been an act of the Almighty Lord, students in Night Powell praised his Holy Name tonight as, for the […]
Articles by Luke Moran
Parkour Club Submits Request To Move Buildings Closer Together
WESTWOOD—Noting the present difficulty in performing cross-building vaults, badass flips, roof-to-roof diving rolls and miscellaneous leaps, UCLA’s parkour club submitted a petition today demanding that […]
Sea Creatures Invade Land; Land Creatures Encouraged To Take Flight
EARTH—In light of the sudden mass migration of vast amounts of sea life onto the shores of the world, scientists across the globe issued statements […]
New UC Tuition Plan To Let Students Pay In 1,000 Easy Payments Of $16.99
OAKLAND—Calling it the “best kept secret” in public education and emphasizing “great savings” that will be had on the part of students, the University of […]
POINT: Raising Tuition Causes More Problems Than It Solves / COUNTERPOINT: The Peasants Should Not Be Educated Lest We Risk Another Uprising
Point Raising Tuition Causes More Problems Than It Solves By: Ryan Smick With the UC Regents set to vote on a tuition hike that would […]
USAC President Resigns; Student Government Set To Hold Yet Another Goddam Election
WESTWOOD—In the wake of Devin Murphy’s resignation today, leaving the position of president vacant a mere 6 months after being elected, USAC looks set to […]
Student Fails Midterm Election
WESTWOOD—Noting a severe lack of knowledge in local politics as well as a preoccupation with school work, second year Hannah Park admitted to having completely […]
University Of California Divests From Self
OAKLAND—Declaring that they can no longer support an institution invested in companies that facilitate civil rights abuses and climate change among other issues, the UC board […]
The Enabler Asks You: Bcaf’s New Turkey Sandwich
A petition to bring back Bcaf’s old turkey sandwich recipe has gained nearly 400 supporters. Though the original sandwich was criticized for its high sodium content, […]