UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy
WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]
environment
Opinion: Maybe We Don’t Need The Environment
Last night’s rally had me praying no SC kids were spying on us on campus, because I was embarrassed by how SNOWFLAKE we looked. I […]
UCLA Doubles Down On “Zero Waste 2020”
WESTWOOD — On Tuesday, Chancellor Gene Block reaffirmed in an address to the university that UCLA will be waste-free by 2020. “Although we are well […]
Candidates Debate Fracking, Vow To Inject Chemicals Into Voters’ Bloodstreams
NASHVILLE — Amid contentious debate over the dangers of hydraulic fracturing, or “fracking,” both presidential candidates have endorsed a plan to inject carcinogens directly into […]
Study Finds Earth Could Be Too Hot For Light Jackets By 2050
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a revelatory study released last week, the Environmental Protection Agency claimed that not too bad, but slightly chilly days may be […]