Chick-fil-A CEO Converts To Islam

ATLANTA — Chick-fil-A’s CEO announced his conversion to Islam on Monday. “The American people need to eat more chicken, especially our new ‘Chick-fil-afel’,” said Chief Executive Muhammad bin Al-Cathy, formerly known as Dan. “Okay sure, maybe I just couldn’t justify closing the restaurant on Sundays. As a fiscal conservative, I realized that God, I mean Allah, would have wanted me to praise the most business-friendly prophet, not that carpenter.” At press time, Al-Cathy was seen yelling at his CFO after he was told that the restaurant would now have to close for an entire month during Ramadan.

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Arman Abrishamchian is the human equivalent of "if the sun is so hot, why is space cold?" That was rhetorical, nerd. I prefer ignorance.