BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often
WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]
Government Shutdown Finally Hits Canvas
WESTWOOD — Students everywhere awoke this morning to the modern equivalent of snow outside their windows: Canvas has been shut down due to bipartisan gridlock. […]
Friend Who Can’t Drive Way Too Invested In Formula One
AUSTIN, TX — This weekend, second-year Mechanical Engineering major Diem Vee posted multiple photo dumps of himself trackside at the 2025 United States Grand Prix […]
Ask The Enabler: Is It Too Late To Cancel My Den Pass Refund?
Dear Westwood Enabler, I bought a Den Pass to maximize my time at UCLA and to give my uncle yet another excuse to bet on […]
Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]
Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat
WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]
Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit
WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]
Uh Oh! Student’s Twelfth Grandparent Just Died
WESTWOOD — Last Sunday, second-year Microbiology, Immunology, and Molecular Genetics major Calvin Dozer revealed that his Step-Step-Grandpappy just died, making this the twelfth grandparent dead […]