WESTWOOD — A recent survey conducted by people who aren’t “fucking pussies” has concluded that putting razors in candy is actually sick as hell. “I want fiberglass in my Skittles. I want crack rocks in my Pop Rocks. I ain’t some kind of third-grade chicken,” said local fourth-grade bully and part-time pollster Blake “The Snake” Jones, who had just gone trick-or-treating dressed as post-crufixion Jesus. “But if you even THINK of fucking with my Almond Joys, I’ll show you what those razors are for.” At press time, Jones was snorting crushed-up Smarties off a mirror.