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Articles by Tal Israeli

Opinion: I’m Walkin’ Here

January 29, 2024 Tal Israeli 0

MANHATTAN — Hey! Yeah, youse over there! I’m walkin’ here! You think you’re so classy in your fancy Toyota whip, huh? Oh, did I scare […]

Trader Joe’s Reveals Most Sales Come From That One Tote Bag

January 24, 2024 Tal Israeli 0

TRADER JOE’S HEADQUARTERS — Trader Joe’s executives have revealed that most of their sales for the year of our lord 2023 have come from their […]

Rendezvous sign with additional sign that says "Bless this mess"

UCLA To Open Rendez Midwest Offering Daily Casserole Specials

November 30, 2023 Tal Israeli 0

MIDWESTWOOD — UCLA Dining has unveiled plans to expand its Rendezvous West & East dining halls with an extension focused on a different regional cuisine: […]

  • Bruin Walk Sales Revealed To Be First Level Of Purgatory

    BRUIN WALK — In an exclusive interview with the Enabler, prolific Bruin Walk salesperson Ven Moe disclosed today that selling wares on the well-trod pathway […]

  • A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You

    Dear prospective student tour groups, I was once like you. Young, naïve, a newbie to the UCLA campus jungle. What separates me from you, though, […]

  • Penn State Score Prediction: 22 Dead, 83 Injured

    PASADENA — As Penn State’s Nittany Lions prepare to play the Bruins this Saturday, recent reports from the top experts at FanDuel Sportsbook have revealed […]

  • I Lived It: Blackout Was Nothing Like The Cake From De Neve

    WESTWOOD — ‘Twas the first Thursday of the quarter. I had just spent a whirlwind night with the rankly perspiring men of Sigma Nu, but […]

  • One Millionth Cough Award Given To Guy In The Back Row Of Your Lecture

    WESTWOOD — Bunche Hall 1209B made history this Thursday after a guy in the back row of your lecture received the One Millionth Cough Award, […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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