Do you take great joy in saying the phrase “here, drink some water” nine hundred and eighty-four times in one night? Do you enjoy it when strangers get up really close to you to talk? Would you be fine if your roommate kissed you in the mouth with their jello-shot-red tongue? If you answered yes to any of these questions, the fresh and sexy trend of “most sober person at the party” might be for you!
In this role, you be responsible for:
- Your friends
- Your roommate who deserves a hangover
- Your ex’s ex
- That girl you met in the bathroom line
- Her boyfriend she should really break up with
- An androgynous person in a ketchup suit
- A ten-year-old trying to reunite with grandma
- My cousin from Tahlequah
- And, of course, your stats professor going through a divorce and looking to get loose.
With this motley crew, you will traverse the treacherous streets of Westwood for street meat, distract cops while The Girl Who Sits Next To You In Lecture Whose Name You Forgot pisses in a bush, and give everyone a goodnight kiss on the forehead before tucking them gently into bed. As a bonus, you will have the authority to tell your coworker’s evil twin that, “yeah, you did kiss a man with a soul patch last night.” This Halloweekend, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your acquaintances turned on their side so they won’t choke on their own vomit.