Bruin Walk Sales Revealed To Be First Level Of Purgatory
BRUIN WALK — In an exclusive interview with the Enabler, prolific Bruin Walk salesperson Ven Moe disclosed today that selling wares on the well-trod pathway […]
Month: October 2025
A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You
Dear prospective student tour groups, I was once like you. Young, naïve, a newbie to the UCLA campus jungle. What separates me from you, though, […]
Penn State Score Prediction: 22 Dead, 83 Injured
PASADENA — As Penn State’s Nittany Lions prepare to play the Bruins this Saturday, recent reports from the top experts at FanDuel Sportsbook have revealed […]
I Lived It: Blackout Was Nothing Like The Cake From De Neve
WESTWOOD — ‘Twas the first Thursday of the quarter. I had just spent a whirlwind night with the rankly perspiring men of Sigma Nu, but […]
One Millionth Cough Award Given To Guy In The Back Row Of Your Lecture
WESTWOOD — Bunche Hall 1209B made history this Thursday after a guy in the back row of your lecture received the One Millionth Cough Award, […]