Whaling Protesters Amazed By How Tasty Whale Is

TOKYO — Protesters at the Japanese Cultural Cuisine Association’s annual food sampling last Thursday were shocked to learn that the animal they were fighting to save was absolutely delicious. “Of course I still oppose whaling,” said protester Takuya Yuki, while reaching for another piece of whale liver. “These animals are some of the most intelligent in the world, and for us to slowly and brutally slaughter, excuse me, I’m talking with my mouth full, for us to kill these peaceful animals, is impossible to justify. The sweet succulent flavor of sauteed whale fin is no excuse.” Protestors at the event ate so much whale, that they accounted for the death of at least two whale calves. “Baby whale is my favorite,” said Yuki. “And of course killing the babies is wrong, but eating them, I mean they’re already dead, so it’s okay, right?” Yuki plans to go to a rally against animal cruelty this Saturday, but still buys factory farm meat because it’s slightly cheaper.

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Hans is an invaluable satirist and talented humor writer with the Enabler who has contributed much material, tangibly and intangibly, to reality and surreality.