USC Begins Rivalry Week By Halving TA Wages

LOS ANGELES — USC President Carol Folt announced earlier today that in honor of rivalry week, teaching assistants at USC would have their wages cut in half. “USC and UCLA have always had a spirited and lovely rivalry, and with the strike happening on UCLA’s campus I wasn’t about to let them beat us in mistreating TA’s!” said Folt between bites of gold flake caviar. “These changes are, of course, permanent, but I just know our TA’s will beat out the ones from UCLA in getting what little housing they can afford!” At press time, Folt and Gene Block were seen diving into swimming pools full of gold coins together.

About Gabe McNeill 16 Articles
Known primarily for his roles in the Watergate break-in and the breakup of The Beatles, Gabe McNeill was inspired to write for The Enabler after the Daily Bruin fired him.