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Opinion: Prisons MUST Be Abolished

December 9, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

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Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

WESTWOOD — According to the National Roommate Association, a dangerous new craze is sweeping the nation: the “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” challenge. “HEYYYYYYY whatsgoinonguysitsyaboy […]
Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

WESTWOOD — UCLA Campus Tours announced that as a Bruin Day special, each admitted students tour now comes with a free bag of peanuts for […]
OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

Picture This: the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I’m trying to be a good little girl and do my laundry on a […]
“Bruintizing” To Be Replaced With Getting Hit By A Scooter

WESTWOOD — Instead of having students dip their fingers into the Inverted Fountain, UCLA has now required future new Bruin initiations to only consist of […]
Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank

WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]

Featured Authors

Breaking: He Is Fallen
Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft
OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

Douchebag Dogwhistle: Avoid Men Who Use The Phrase “Walkable Cities”
Local White Boy Makes Big Splash In Intramural Dodgeball Scene
Historic UCLA Rugby Hazing Ritual Ruined By Guy Who Just Loves To Drink Piss

Opinion: Shut The Fuck Up About Coachella
Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students
J.D. Vance Just Happy To Be Included In Group Chat For Once

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