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trump

“Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

May 2, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]

Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank

April 9, 2025 Jared Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]

Great Depression Preemptively Named “World Depression One”

April 4, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. – This morning, The White House announced via executive order the official renaming of The Great Depression to “World Depression One.” “It’s important […]

J.D. Vance Just Happy To Be Included In Group Chat For Once

March 26, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — When reached for comment about his inclusion in the Houthi PC Small Group Signal chat, Vice President J.D. Vance admitted he was […]

Julio Frenk Fires Self In Compliance With UCLA’s New Anti-Diversity Hiring Policies

March 21, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

WESTWOOD – This morning, Julio Frenk showed his dedication to following UCLA’s new anti-diversity hiring policies by firing himself. “When I was hired, there was […]

Elon Musk Relegated To Cuck Chair At Trump Billionaire Orgy

March 6, 2025 Ammi Lane-Volz 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Seating arrangements at the weekly Trump billionaire orgy have revealed that Elon Musk has been relegated to the cuck chair. “Guys, can […]

U.S. Army Chorus Perform ‘Do You Hear The People Sing’ In Brave Protest Against Themselves

February 26, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Army Choir, who thought that ‘Les Miserables’ was French for ‘Miserable Lesbians’, conducted a fearless uprising against the U.S. military […]

Matt Gaetz Celebrates Attorney General Nomination At High School Party

November 13, 2024 Rachana Aithal 0

Project 2025 Announces “Pussylight Savings Time” Forcing Women To Set Back Their Menstrual Cycle Each Fall

November 10, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

Washington, D.C. — Project 2025 has added an innovative new pillar of conservatism to reclaim our nation: “Pussylight Savings Time,” which will forcibly set every […]

Opinion: Election Day Is Less Exciting Now That I’m Not In Eighth-Grade History Class

November 5, 2024 Sophie Criver 0

Picture this: It’s 2016, Harambe just died, an app called Musical.ly was taking the world by storm, and there’s one thing that everyone is asking: […]

Posts pagination

1 2 … 4 »

  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    WESTWOOD — After a recent protest marched up to Murphy Hall, home of the office of the chancellor, Julio Frenk decided to hear out the […]

  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

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