The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • On The Paper
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

student

Academic Weapon Commits To Pacifism

November 28, 2023 Alyssa Wong 0

WESTWOOD – In a press release sent out at 2 a.m. today, second-year neuroscience major Pri Medd announced she would officially be laying down her […]

Surprise! Student Without Any Dreams Or Passion Goes Into Consulting

November 17, 2023 Milo Ellison 0

WESTWOOD — In a decision that has sent shockwaves across the nation, a student devoid of any personality or soul has decided to pursue consulting. […]

Local Hero At Kerckhoff Watching Everyone’s Stuff

January 18, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year economics major Joshua Wadams has been hailed as a local hero following his efforts to simultaneously look after the personal belongings of […]

4th Year Philosophy Student Incapable Of Producing Original Thought

December 29, 2021 Ryan Wu 0

WESTWOOD — After years of studying nothing but theory, fourth year Philosophy student Mark Li had to be informed that he was incapable of producing […]

Student Realizes Quarantine Not The Problem

October 12, 2021 Jade Lacy 0

WESTWOOD — After skipping her first week of in-person classes to lie in bed and watch YouTube videos about 16th century ship-building techniques, third-year Cognitive […]

Occasional Affirmation Just Enough To Sustain Professor/Student Fantasy

April 12, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — An offhand affirmation recently imparted by UCLA biochemistry professor Keith Abrams to one of his students was just enough to sustain the delusional fantasy […]

Student Finds Roommate’s Bong Or Dildo, Not Sure Which

February 14, 2016 Jessica Waite 0

WESTWOOD — Stating he felt “extreme terror” and “penetrating feelings of fear,” third year sociology major Jason Schwartz claims to have found a hollow glass […]

No Image

Employer Impressed By Student’s Overqualification

June 2, 2015 Luke Moran 0

LOS ANGELES—Following a thorough investigation of his resume, along with a brief interview with the student in question, local employer and head of A&R Consulting […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

    Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    May 5, 2025 0
  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    May 2, 2025 0
  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    May 1, 2025 0
  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    April 30, 2025 0
  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    April 29, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes