The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • On The Paper
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

student life

Student Requesting Extension Types Transcript of Recent Therapy Session In Email

April 21, 2022 Melissa Beining 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year political science major Jeffrey Trabor included the transcript of his recent therapy session in an email to his TA requesting an extension. […]

Oops, Grandma Ate A Plastic Egg And Now We’re Praying For A Second Resurrection

April 19, 2022 Melissa Beining 0

USC MEDICAL CENTER — Bringing a tragic end to a day of religious festivities, Grandma ate a plastic egg, and now we’re asking God in […]

Anonymous Invasive Carp Destroys Google Docs Ecosystem

April 12, 2022 Jade Lacy 0

GOOGLE DRIVE — Digital climate scientists announced Friday that the ecosystem of anonymous life forms that populate the Google Docs microbiome is being threatened by […]

4 Out Of 5 Dentists Say You Should Break Up

April 5, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

CAMBRIDGE — A recent study done by MIT analysts has found that four out of five dentists say you should break up with your good-for-nothing […]

5 Organs To Steal From Your Significant Other Other Than Their Heart

February 15, 2022 Ammi Lane-Volz 0

Strapped for cash for the best Valentine’s Day gift? Already donated all the blood you can to the blood and platelet center? Not to fret– […]

Facebook Rant Strikes Perfect Balance Between “1984” References And Holocaust Comparisons

February 8, 2022 Gabby Bromberg 0

HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — Herb Matthew reached the pinnacle of his Facebook career Tuesday, after his latest rant struck the perfect balance between references to […]

Report: Your Neighbor Only Practices Trombone Because He Hates You

January 18, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD — After careful consideration of the evidence, we’re certain that your neighbor- the one saved in your phone as “Angus from Apartment 216”- only […]

4 Reasons Why You Don’t Deserve To Register In That Class You Need To Graduate

January 6, 2022 Don John 0

You really thought you were out of here. How naïve you were, going on your Class Planner, just begging for a spot to open up […]

Good News! Ashe Appointment Available December 2022

December 27, 2021 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD — On her fifth call to the Ashe Center, second-year Natalie Johnson was able to secure a primary care appointment for December 2022. “I’m […]

Heroes: Feminist Frat Bros Annoyed But Respectful Of Your Decision Not To Hook Up With Them Right Now

December 9, 2021 Will Tucker 0

FRAT ROW — Multiple eyewitness accounts came in last Thursday outside of Chi Alpha Theta regarding the romantic events of the thriving party inside. “Yeah, […]

Posts pagination

« 1 … 3 4 5 … 7 »

  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes

    Just the other day, I was walking to campus, my fresh, virgin eyes bright and cheery, excited to see the world and all the glory […]

  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Opinion: He/Him Is Gender Neutral

    May 6, 2025 0
  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    May 5, 2025 0
  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    May 2, 2025 0
  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    May 1, 2025 0
  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    April 30, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes